Four Months

So here we are at four months with Yaya. It is hard to believe that 4 months ago (yesterday actually) we were in that terrible red office in Chongqing, China, changing all our lives forever. So how are things at four months? I’d love to say that life is FABULOUS! But that would be a bit of a stretch. It is good though. I can say that we have more hope now than we did several months ago…and I mean that on a couple levels. We can see glimpses of what the new normal will be and it is exciting. We are seeing more of Yaya’s personality and it is funny and cute. Eden is playing more with Yaya and seems to almost enjoy her at times. Noah is….well Noah is Noah and he is awesome. Yaya seems to have turned a corner with me recently and dare I say we actually kinda like each other…yes, I do dare say it. It was the Sunday after her surgery and up until this point she had been shunning me pretty harshly. After our trip to the creek and her car nap, I took her out of the car and we sat together on the front porch enjoying the cool afternoon. She sat in my lap and let me hold her hand. We talked all about the day and what future days could be like. We must have been out there for an hour or so. Since that time she has shown much more affection and sometimes preference for me. Even more amazing is that we have taken the girls out to a restaurant to eat twice and got to finish the entire meal!! (okay it isn’t as amazing as her and bonding but it is pretty cool).

But it is still very, very hard. Not that any parenting is easy but this attachment parenting for three children is just exhausting. And I remember thinking Eden was hard before we got Yaya…I was so wrong and clearly a much lazier parent. Yaya continues to have sleep disturbances. Night terrors every other night and wakes multiple times. So the sleep deprivation makes everything worse. Eric and I have now taken to splitting up at night and taking turns with her. Noah still wants someone with him so we are in his room with him. I went and bought 4” memory foam toppers for all the upstairs beds. So now I can get some sleep upstairs with Noah and my back doesn’t keep me up all night. Sleep is probably our worst area right now and it touches all the other areas of our lives. Because of surgery Yaya is not eating baby food anymore…well not regularly. She did eat some the other day, but for the most part she is a bottle baby again, but we are slowly working solids back into her life. I’m so glad she was eating before surgery and that eating baby food is not something new to her. She will come around soon. Yaya is more clingy than before, but now in a new way. It is more of an affection clingy than a anxious attachment-fear response. She has taken to giving good long hugs, saying I love you often, and she likes cuddling on your neck. When we are holding her she drops her head down on our chests and shoulders more often now. It is the beginning of what seems to be true affection. So that is exciting to witness.

Sweet Eden is on an emotional roller coaster. We are seeing a shunning of all care taking activities and an increase in anger again. But as stated she seems to like Yaya more and plays with her more now. She is resisting going to school and I drop her off teary eyed every M/W/F. However, I pick her up smiling and she reports having a fun day playing. She even comes home and pretends she is at school and is the teacher telling me what activity we are doing next. Eric took her to her first Thera-play evaluation and he says he will be shocked if the therapist finds anything wrong with Eden. They played together beautifully and had a great time. I just wonder if she cooperated because she was so glad to have Daddy and her time. We will see how her and I do next week together. She had a wonderful day yesterday and was funny, imaginative, kind, even tempered and cooperative…all day! But who knows what today will bring. She is still trying to work it out, and we know that she will. If we can help her we will, Lord knows we are trying.

Noah, he is good but we are seeing now some signs of wear and tear. He is finally of the opinion that Eden as a little sister is rather annoying. And that is stemming from the fact that she tends to shun him a lot and his feelings are hurt. Yaya can do no wrong but Eden is almost too much for him. He clearly has a double standard. And I can’t say as though I blame him. Eden is often difficult and rather mean to him. He is getting to the age where his “tone” tends to get him in trouble. It’s funny and disrespectful all at the same time. He has his “you are so irritating and lame” tone, his “I am so annoyed with you” tone, his “you are so unfair” tone, and his “will you just get off my case tone.” All of which get him into loads of trouble on days when I have not had much sleep and forget that I am still attachment parenting him. He is growing up. It makes me sad…and happy.

Eric and I are weary. We miss our friends and our church family. I am often lonely for my friends. We are doing our best to keep it together and we are making it, although it seems barely some days. Life is what it is and it is getting better, but slowly. We keep pressing on knowing with each day we are becoming more and more the family God created us to be. We have ups and downs, there are really funny moments and moments that make us want to scream and cry. It is an adventure and we are the better for it.