First, let me say, I have a Master’s degree in psych0-babble and I am normally a big fan of it. But sometimes when I am deep in the trenches with Yaya and the attachment struggle I wonder if it really is working. Then, she has some major break through using some of the psycho-babble stuff I am doubting and then I become a believer again. Let’s take for example the 3 picture story. You may not remember or I may not have posted about the 3 picture story, Yaya’s looks like this:
Okay, yes, ours has 4 pictures. But that is only because she had two orphanages. The idea behind this little tool is this: Start telling them their story as soon as possible so that they can begin processing it as soon as possible. That is the short version. It is sooooo much more. In the book “Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child,” they talk about introducing their story in 3 pictures. One before they they were adopted, one the day the big change happed and one with the new family. “You were born in China to a China Mommy that wasn’t able to take care of you so she sent you to these ladies at the orphanage (picture one) who took care of you until Mommy and Daddy came to get you (picture two) and now you are a part of our family and we are going to stay together from now on, no more big changes.” That is the down and dirty of it all. We introduced Yaya to her 3 picture story 3 weeks after she got home. We saw her respond in really amazing ways. She responded to it in many of the ways outlined in the book. It was really incredible. Well the story is always around in the girls room, there are multiple copies of it in different sizes and they are laminated.
On January 15, 2013 Yaya was having a very emotional day. (Big shock there, it was the day after her Gotcha Day anniversary.) Her and I were in her room and she was having a “come apart” as we like to call it in the South. I had just talked her off the ledge, so I thought, when she ran right on back to it an started peering over. We sat on the floor and I reached for her story, when she saw it; she grabbed it, threw it, and then angrily threw herself to the floor and went nuclear. Ummm, okay, didn’t want to talk about the story I guess. After 20 minutes or so of total raging I asked her if I could hold her and told her that Mommy really wanted to hold her when she was ready. She acquiesced and crawled up into my lap. I held her close and said that I was sorry that I upset her with suggesting to talk about her story. She grunted at me like, “You should be sorry.” But then she picked up her story that she previously threw. She looked at the story and hit the middle picture of Gotcha Day and looked at me and signed, “Angry!” To which I immediately replied that she was indeed angry that day, and sad (she signed sad after I said it) and scared, (again she signed the feeling after I said it.) I talked a little about how hard that day was expanding some. She went back to “mad” and I affirmed her. Then she hit it again, and again. I then hit it and she cracked a smile and she hit it again. Then she tossed her story aside, but I quickly picked it back up. I looked at it and said, “But wait Yaya, your story doesn’t end here (tapping the middle picture of Gotcha day). I tried to direct her to the family picture and she wouldn’t look at it. So I started naming off the family members in the order of what I thought was her favorite to least favorite…”Look there is Daddy…Buh-buh…Sister…” She interrupted me by lightly tapping on my face in the family picture, and saying fondly with her voice, “Mama.” I then was able to talk about the family a little pointing out each person and telling her how much they loved her. Then I asked her how she felt about the family picture. With no prompting from me she immediately signed the word, “Happy.” (Is anyone crying yet? Because I was almost a basket case by this point.) Then I asked about the Gotcha day picture and she didn’t miss a beat, “Angry.” I was able to validate her and let her know how sorry I was that it was a scary, sad, angry day for her. She lightly tapped the two Nanny pictures but she didn’t associate any emotion with them. But lightly tapping is a fondness gesture I suppose. I asked if she wanted to read a book and she went to grab “her” book that I made for her and took to China. The stick people book, if you have forgotten it you can see a portion of it here. It is her favorite book. The pages not showcased are the ones of us in each room of our home. When she wants to calm herself down she likes that book or the two family photo books I took to China. After this encounter, she was right at rain the rest of the day! Maybe a week later we had another break through but I have to leave you hanging on that one cuz I’m too stinkin’ tired to write about it, but I do want to document it.
awestruck.
ReplyDeleteGod is good.