So we are a little over a month into our Attachment Therapy with Yaya. My Mom asked me how it was really going and what differences have we seen if any. My response, “It is in the little things that we see change and it gives us such hope.” So what are the little things?
She has determined that kisses make boo-boo’s feel better and she has started bringing her “boo-boos” to me to “kiss”.
We have noticed recently that she is much more affectionate that ever before.
She likes to show us her special freckles on each arm and have us kiss each one.
She has begun to start sentences with the word/sign “Mama.” Ex) Mama-want-Fresh Beat Band or Mama-want-sit-you. Before there was no Mama, she has never called me by name until this past week.
She has shown ownership of Mama & Daddy. One day she was looking at one of our family photo books we took to China and I watched her point to a picture of me and then she pointed to herself. She flipped to a second picture of me, pointed to it and then to herself. She found a third picture of me and repeated the gestures. She then looked up to me. I said to her, “Yes, that is Yaya’s Mama. I am YOUR Mama. I am Yaya’s Mama.” She grinned excitedly and then did the same process to Eric’s picture. To which I responded in equal if not more excitement that those pictures were pictures of HER Daddy. I don’t think she understands the weight of the words Mama and Daddy, but she at least claims us as something special to her (and her siblings).
She understands that she is on equal footing with her siblings and that she is included in this family unit. One day she pointed to a picture Noah had drawn that I had framed and hung on our playroom wall. I told her, “That is Buh-buh’s picture he drew.” Then she pointed to the framed art next to it, “That is Eden’s picture.” Then she pointed to herself and then back to the wall and looked at me questioningly. “OH! Does Yaya want HER art up on the wall?!” Her response was a loud verbal “Yeah!” (She can sorta say this word.) Luckily the girls had been finger painting recently and I normally have to tape the girls paper down to the table for this kind of art. When they want a new sheet of paper I will peel the old paper off the table and stick it to the window beside them to dry and it duals as a temporary art show in the playroom. She had 3 pictures on her window. She went to the one she liked the best and I peeled it off the window. I ran and grabbed the first 8X10 frame I came to off our wall and quickly put her art in it and hung it on the wall next to the other art. She was beside herself. She pointed to each picture and told me the artist but she was the most excited about telling me which one was hers. Then she went and got Daddy by the finger and pulled him to the art wall and proudly showed off her work. It is amazing to me that she realized Noah and Eden had art framed on the wall and she didn’t. But even more amazing was her question: “Why isn’t MY art up there with the rest?”
I have noticed recently that when she has a meltdown she now wants me near her, not in her face mind you but near. If I walk across the room from her when she is pitching a fit she will actually pitch in both volume and intensity. When I come back she will “punish” me by crawling away but her volume and intensity goes way down. It is the weirdest thing. At one point she had to be touching me, now it was light kicking mind you, but each time I would mover her legs away she would escalate. Now for some of you reading this, you are thinking…well yeah…duh…typical toddler behavior. And to that I say, “YES!! and HOORAY!! and FINALLY!!”
I recently left for the weekend and Yaya did great in my absence and Eric put her to bed easily and was able to feed her like normal. Plus, we didn’t see any weird behavior when I returned. We didn’t seem to lose any ground.
Eric can now put Yaya down occasionally with no struggle or problem.
We have seen a decrease in her overall anxiousness with Eric. I mean she still does her stuff but it is more subdued and she can be redirected more than not. I started peeling her off Eric when she does her Velcro Asian stuff to him (That’s our affectionate term for her when she clings on to Eric’s leg frantically as if she would fall over dead if she let go). I take her from Eric screaming and kicking to a quiet room and wait for her to calm or try to redirect her. Once she is calm we do about 20 minutes of face to face time and attachment games and she settles down and usually will not go “velcro” again.
These all are what most people would consider “little” things, but if you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you know how monumental these “little” things really are. They give us hope and we are very proud of our little girl. But more than that we are thankful to the Holy Spirit who is turning her heart towards us. I just heard a preacher say recently…God is into the supernatural. He wants us to do the natural and he will provide the super. So I continue to do the lame attachment games that I think can’t possibly be working…(the natural) and God is turning Yaya’s heart and attaching her spirit to ours…(the super). Praise be to God! He is so faithful even when we are not.
Noah’s is the rainbow one…Eden’s is the pink and green…Yaya’s is below Eden's.
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